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Hope Is Hard To Kill

I think we can all agree that 2016 was just the worst, but, as I am a hopeful person, I think 2017 can only be better. I will make sure that I do my part in putting as much positivity into the universe as possible and that I ensure that 2017 ends up on the right side of history. Which means getting involved; I don't know what that will look like as I've never been a political person, but 2016 showed me that I must not succumb to apathy. I'm looking forward to creating a fantastic me.

Brand New Me

It's been four weeks at my new job and...I don't hate it. I know it's early days yet but I can actually see myself growing at this company in a way that I've never felt before and it's both exciting and terrifying. I just hope the, er, hope wins out over the terror and I don't do another runner from something that could be good for me. And not to be crass, but it's the most I've ever made and I can tell the difference, and the sad thing is, it's barely the average American salary, but it's on the high end for my field (student services) and it is a profound relief to know that I will finally be able to take care of myself. Let's see if I'll still feel this way six months from now.

Another Career Change

I've suspended job searching because it was causing me anxiety and I really need to sit down and think about what I want to do next instead of applying to jobs as a knee jerk reaction to my displeasure at my current job. I'm too old to keep jumping from job to job; it's time for me to figure out a way to create a career for myself that pays and fulfills me; ugh, adulating is hard. Seriously, how does one make money from sleeping until noon and re-watching 'Captain America: Civil War' on repeat?

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Job searching sucks. That is all.

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Therapy Good

I've only been going to therapy for the last two months, but already I've begun to fall asleep without popping a sleeping pill (only in the last week, but I count it as a win), I've done the research needed to, at least, ably create media for YouTube, if not revolutionize the platform (yes, I'm going to be another person shouting my opinions on movies, tv, books on the intrawebs), I've written the first two episodes and I'm going to shoot the demos for both videos Sunday, look them over for notes on improvements, then, hopefully, Monday I'll be able to begin editing. I am excited! Now, if only I could rejuvenate my muse so I can finish the first draft of my novel. What do you guys do when you need inspiration?

I'm Free to Do What I Want

Just quit my masters program and I feel so liberated. I really struggled with the decision because I didn't want to start quitting things again, but I was so disconnected from the material and the assignments were causing undue stress which was triggering my anxiety and depression, and, just, no, I'm not here for that. So, maybe I'll start back once I find a good head shrinker, but I'm more excited about where this new path will lead me.

School Still Hard

Completed my first term of my MS in Higher Education and meh. I wanted to quit but I can't quite pass up a tuition free degree, so I'll continue as long as it doesn't impact my mental health too much (anxiety trigged a depressive episode during the first term; I am going to try very hard to successfully cope w/my anxiety issues). To assist in keeping my eyes on the prize, I will also begin slowly but surely working on my application to the two MFA programs I'm most interested in so I can immediately start the program I actually want to be in.

School Hard

Started classes for my MS in Higher Education; the first class is the foundations of higher education, and, I'm bored to tears already. I've always done best in courses that pique my interest, so, I'm totes worried. Also, my computer decided to break the week I start online courses, so, I'm trying very hard to not give in to the impulse to charge a Microsoft Surface Book to my credit card, since I just paid off all but one of them. So, for now, I'll be toggling between my phone, tablet, and work computer. This should be an interesting six week term.

Where is My Mind?

I've hit a brick wall with my MFA application; I just do not feel like writing a second draft of my statement of purpose, and I'm certainly not in the headspace to write a 5-10 page critical essay dissecting a literary work or author; so much so that I just signed up to begin a MS in Higher Education through my employer. Maybe doing master level work will get me in the correct headspace; I certainly hope so because I would like to get my MFA so I can teach, or maybe I should just go after my Phd; decisions, decisions, I am so bad at them.

Mar. 10th, 2016

I attended a three hour seminar today at work about time management; and, man, was it a much needed kick in the butt; I immediately came home and worked on the novel. I am going to dedicate fifteen minutes everyday for the next seven days to working on the novel, increasing my time each week until I get to an hour. I just finished the rough draft (I think rough is an understatement) of my statement of purpose for the MFA program I'm applying to, and I just wrote a brief synopsis of the themes I'd like to work into what I already have, so I feel like a productive adult who is actively working towards goals that will make my life better. It's really quite dumb how often I have to be reminded how much better I feel when I write; you'd think I'd never need to be reminded of something that's carved into the bones of me. Welcome to the wonderful, confusing world of me.

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